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I love random things for it is my life. My life is like a rose garden. But all rose gardens have bees and thorns!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Secrets and Demons

I used to feel a
prisoner in my own heart.

battered and abused to discern.             

I didn’t know what to
do, what to say, where to go, how to live.

                I had been burned, crushed,
broken, smashed, torn, bruised, used and thrown out.

Most of the time I didn’t
even love myself.

                Acceptance is a rare thing in
our world.

Being gentle, sweet,
kind, loving, nice, charming, and understanding is nowhere to be found.

                My very soul has receded onto a shell
of uncertainty.

Hoping, Dreaming,
Wishing for a safe haven of comfort and joy.

                Not trusting, only manipulating.

How long will my
masks last?       How long will this one last?   Is there more unseen pain?

                More pain? More pressure? More patheticness?

Where is reality? Where
is the truth?

                Where are the sunsets on the
beach? The tapping of the rain? The field of flowers? The velvety sand?

Where is the one that
will never leave me to fray?

                I’m at the end of my of my road.

The only thing I meet
is emptiness.

                The secrets that I was told has
been a minefield on my heart.

Torn on how to handle
it, I stepped in the danger zone.

                Can I disarm it? Find equivalent
weight? Will someone take my place?

Sacrifice it all? Can
one love without loving and still feel nothing? Or will my demons send me to
the depths of hell?

                Where is my Prince? Or has my
soiled history saturated my title and name?

My would-have-been Savior.
What’s his name? Did it start with R? With B? Or T? Guess now I’ll never know.

                My thoughts fly fast, yet
timelessly fall.

With a picture for a
memory. And a star to guide my way.

                I can feel their wings to save

But the legal binds cannot
be broken.

                My head is filled with dead

My heart with emptiness.

                My eyes with the pale green
dullness of insanity.


still I am stuck with my secrets and demons.

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